Bittersweet Chalkolate

Blog about cooking, teaching, and everything else that is my life.

February. Meditation. Day 7.

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I am starting to look forward to my daily meditation. I have noticed that as I am writing my posts and choosing which meditation to listen to, I am getting very excited 🙂

I think yesterday I actually fell asleep while listening to it though.. oops.. so it might not be a good idea going to bed too late and falling asleep during the guided meditation. I guess I can say that I achieved complete relaxation:) but I want to be fully present at that moment and be aware of what is happening inside me.

Today I will be working on my anxiety.

I have always been a person who wants to be in control.I have always found it hard to delegate things to people, and that if I wanted things to be done well, then I had to do them myself. Little did I know that being in a relationship with someone who has a kid from the previous relationship will make my anxiety million times worse.

My husband is a wonderful person and he has a great kid but at the time I wasn’t prepared to what was to come: what is my place in all this? can I give suggestions or not? can I scold a kid or not? do I establish boundaries or not? having to deal with the kid’s mother on a pretty much daily basis.. we went through a lot and it finally feels that things have stabilized after 5 years of being together.

So the whole experience was pretty rough for me and that’s when I realized that I might have anxiety which even caused some OCD behaviour. One example for that would be me feeling physically uncomfortable when clothes in the closet were not colour and season coded. Telling myself that this is ridiculous and that I can hang clothes any way I want didn’t help.

I didn’t do anything about it. It somehow faded away on its own but it wasn’t gone. And sometimes, more often than I would like, I feel the familiar tightening in my stomach and I know exactly what it is.

So today I am doing my first step to actively dealing with it with this. Wish me luck.



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