Yesterday was a disaster.
Remember that point about a child being asleep? Maya woke up half way through my meditation, crying and calling for me. After half an hour of cuddling and sitting together, she finally fell asleep again but I was in no state to go back to meditation.
But I did. And here comes the other reason why yesterday was not good at all. The guided meditation itself was different. It wasn’t just “breath in and out”, it was more “imagine a landscape” kind of thing.
Let me remind you, I am a perfectionist, so when someone tells me “a place of belonging”, “tree of life”, “a room full of light” I, as a diligent person, start imagining things in detail or think of Brad Pitt and the movie “Tree of life”, then think of my friend Jakob who I watched that movie with and on it goes. And while I am doing it, my guided meditation is happening without me. Sigh.
By the end of the meditation, I was not happy as not only was I interrupted (not my fault) but I also was not paying attention (totally my fault). But I understand that I am learning and that I should be taking one step at a time. I am learning about distractions, my focus, my thoughts, my ability to let go. So I will be kind to myself and try this tonight.