Bittersweet Chalkolate

Blog about cooking, teaching, and everything else that is my life.

What is enough?

1 Comment

My husband used to weight something about 240 lb before we met. I guess, at some point he got frustrated with that and did the whole P90X (crazy 7 day workout routine) and lost 30 lb which made him super happy. Some things worth mentioning here is that he was divorced at the time, he worked from 7 am to 3 pm and had all the time in the world. 

We met, and life changed – living together does this to people, you know. Cleaning the house, doing grocery shopping, friends, dates have become a part of a new life. He changed the timetable at work as well. He started working from 9 to 5. We were in love and had other ways of exercise, you know what I am talking about. Life was a bliss. 

However, with time the need for him to go back to working out regularly was becoming stronger and stronger. It got to a point where he was getting very upset and frustrated when he couldn’t fit it in his/our life. I also found that I had to plan our activities around his work out and not the other way round. He loves his sleep, so he finds it very difficult to get up earlier to work out. 

I am all down for setting goals and achieving them. But I feel like his obsession with working out has influenced our family in so many negative ways. He cancels our plans, rushes home right after work just to be able to work out. And it isn’t like he is overweight or anything now. He did gain a couple of pounds over the last couple of years but that’s it. 

So the question is – is it worth being ripped and have relationship problems? I know that I have some men reading this blog, what is your perspective on all this? Ladies, how often do you men work out? What is enough? 

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One thought on “What is enough?

  1. I think it’s important to view ‘working out’ as though it were pretty much any non-destructive hobby. The collision is that you feel he isn’t giving enough time to your relationship, and he feels as though his personal time/hobby is too important for him to give up.

    You meet in the middle with dialogue.

    Let him know you feel your lack of quality time together and his canceling of plans on short notice is hard/hurtful for you. Explain what your needs are. Ask him why working out is importanttoo him. Is it all about fitness? Body image? Or is it partly the personal time or stress relief after a long day work? A lot of people need a buffer after work before engaging the intensity that is family.

    Maybe you can work out a clearly defined schedule so you aren’t taken by surprise. Take it a step further and schedule your special weekly time together. Offer to join him on a fitness activity that you can do together in place of some of his sessions.

    I never work out and find that a lot of walking and a healthy diet keeps me in decent shape. This allows me to use that time elsewhere, in more meaningful and pleasurable ways. But we’re all different. I don’t feel the need for a rock-hard body… and I’m lazy that way!

    Not sure how long his workouts are, but half hour to an hour seems like a reasonable amount time. I think it’s more likely it is his lack of attention to your needs, and barriers to communication that is the issue; more than his time spent working out.

    Talk to him about it. Calmly. Honestly. Listen and be sensitive. You can work it out!

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